Woman photographing herself in a mirror
Have you tried to love yourself? What has been your experience?
I am into love now like never before in my life. I neither love myself nor try to love myself. I have heard some people say that they love themselves, and more who express frustration about trying to love themselves. Here’s a reflection that finds meaning in what the first group says and has a proposal for both groups.
Today’s society needs a fresh realization of another truth: in its fullness, love is interpersonal and mutual. To love and be loved is so deeply satisfying because loving that we give comes from the very core of our being and the love that we receive touches the very core of our being. In this full sense, love is not something we can give ourselves. We can open ourselves to receive the embrace of the God whose “I love you,” is spoken from within. If we can be fully and adequately loved only by someone else, we cannot be fulfilled alone. But those who know the love of God have a foundation for self-esteem beyond human opinion.
Today we commonly hear the advice to love ourselves. Indeed, that idea does have meaning: we can respect ourselves profoundly, accept the facts of our present condition, harmonize the different parts of ourselves, be responsible in caring for ourselves, and enjoy our personal uniqueness.
Nevertheless, the attempt to love oneself can be frustrating. When we look in the mirror, it is common to see pluses and minuses in one’s body. When we introspect and observe our minds, it is common to see both pluses and minuses in our mind. No one is totally wonderful, and it is natural to want to conceal what is unbeautiful from others. The image seen in the mirror and derived from the contents of one’s mind shows nothing that could justify unlimited love. If we think of ourselves simply in terms of mind and body, we are philosophically vulnerable to low self-esteem. If we treat the truth of ourselves as something to conceal, we resist opening ourselves to divine love.
Those who genuinely love us are not responding mainly to our mind and body pluses. What primarily makes us loveable does not show up in the mirror or register in the mind’s field of objects for introspection. It takes another person to perceive what primarily makes us lovable: the wonderful personality—unique, mysterious, constant through change, and indwelt by the spirit of God.
Love embraces the whole person. True love does not gaze only on the best and most beautiful; love does not pretend that the other person is perfect. Only because it combines realism with its idealism can this mutual relationship be love. Love gets real when the other’s imperfections interfere with our own contentment. If we mercifully interpret what we understand of those imperfections, we can do what is appropriate to support the other’s growth.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d0/Unidentified_woman_taking_her_own_photograph_using_a_mirror_and_a_box_camera%2C_roughly_1900.jpg
Without spiritual identification, it is impossible to love ourselves. Being self conscious beings, when we look in the mirror of ourselves, we see parts that are unlovable, parts that we reject and parts that others reject as well when they become aware of them. But when we identify with God the source of love, and realize that he accepts us unconditionally, then the unlovely parts of us become submerged in his great love for us. We realize that because of imperfection of ourselves, we can not fully love ourselves without spirit identification.
When we realize that God loves us and has put that love in us in the form of his spirit, then we can accept ourselves as we are, and bask in his love. We are incomplete beings, but we are growing towards completion, becoming perfect as God is perfect. This understanding that we are a “work in progress,” allows us to recognize that the unlovely part of us will not be with us always and allows us to accept ourselves as we are.
I have tried to love myself without spiritual identification and the result was a dismal failure. The best I could come up with was some form of narcissism, but with spiritual identification, that is loving others and receiving love, I find that more and more the unlovable parts are slowly being transformed into something that is true, beautiful and good. Hopefully one day, the process will be completed, and there will be no unlovely parts, and I can truly say in his Presence, that I love myself fully because he loves me.
Dr. Perry
One thing I especially enjoy about this philosophy of living construction project is that it is very interactive and open to how people with overlapping and different experience, concept, and language can all find clarified and deepened self-expression through it. It is quite audacious to propose (to people capable of undertaking it) to construct a shared philosophy of living. The easy thing is to propose what also happens without any special invitation: people construct their own philosophies by modifying one or more essentials (e.g., the concept of a loving God and humankind as his family, who share the evolutionary adventure of discerning truth, beauty, and goodness and actualizing their potentials in our lives). When I think of all I have learned from the thousands of experience reports that my students have turned on their projects relevant to this venture, and when I think of the non-stop discoveries of interacting with you and others with whom I have no official teacher-student relationship, I rejoice to be able to experience this frontier. Truly, a philosophy is not a book, nor a blog with comments, or a series of classes. Nor is a philosophy a human being, each personality a masterpiece of the Creator’s art. I know that you, Dr. Perry, have been working on this project maybe as long and as much as I have. Hasn’t it been a pleasure to wander in these fields!
Indeed it has been and continues to be a delightful pleasure. You have done so much to help me clarify my philosophical striving. You are indeed a blessing to all who have the opportunity to learn from you. Your students have been blessed to have such wonderful teacher as yourself. Please continue with your life calling.
Dr. Perry
Without spiritual identification, it is impossible to love ourselves. Being self conscious beings, when we look in the mirror of ourselves, we see parts that are unlovable, parts that we reject and parts that others reject as well when they become aware of them. But when we identify with God the source of love, and realize that he accepts us unconditionally, then the unlovely parts of us become submerged in his great love for us. We realize that because of imperfection of ourselves, we can not fully love ourselves without spirit identification.
When we realize that God loves us and has put that love in us in the form of his spirit, then we can accept ourselves as we are, and bask in his love. We are incomplete beings, but we are growing towards completion, becoming perfect as God is perfect. This understanding that we are a “work in progress,” allows us to recognize that the unlovely part of us will not be with us always and allows us to accept ourselves as we are.
I have tried to love myself without spiritual identification and the result was a dismal failure. The best I could come up with was some form of narcissism, but with spiritual identification, that is loving others and receiving love, I find that more and more the unlovable parts are slowly being transformed into something that is true, beautiful and good. Hopefully one day, the process will be completed, and there will be no unlovely parts, and I can truly say in his Presence, that I love myself fully because he loves me.
Dr. Perry
One thing I especially enjoy about this philosophy of living construction project is that it is very interactive and open to how people with overlapping and different experience, concept, and language can all find clarified and deepened self-expression through it. It is quite audacious to propose (to people capable of undertaking it) to construct a shared philosophy of living. The easy thing is to propose what also happens without any special invitation: people construct their own philosophies by modifying one or more essentials (e.g., the concept of a loving God and humankind as his family, who share the evolutionary adventure of discerning truth, beauty, and goodness and actualizing their potentials in our lives). When I think of all I have learned from the thousands of experience reports that my students have turned on their projects relevant to this venture, and when I think of the non-stop discoveries of interacting with you and others with whom I have no official teacher-student relationship, I rejoice to be able to experience this frontier. Truly, a philosophy is not a book, nor a blog with comments, or a series of classes. Nor is a philosophy a human being, each personality a masterpiece of the Creator’s art. I know that you, Dr. Perry, have been working on this project maybe as long and as much as I have. Hasn’t it been a pleasure to wander in these fields!
Indeed it has been and continues to be a delightful pleasure. You have done so much to help me clarify my philosophical striving. You are indeed a blessing to all who have the opportunity to learn from you. Your students have been blessed to have such wonderful teacher as yourself. Please continue with your life calling.
Dr. Perry